What is Justice? chp.25

Chapter 25: Into the Deep Roads part three.

Thera had to admit she was glad she finally told someone about her becoming a Reaver; mostly though she was happy that Anders didn't spurn her or treat her like a monster. Granted, if he would have, she would have been quick to point out that he doesn't get much say in this, considering he himself is considered a monster by popular standards. Anders did express some alarm about the new powers she has stumbled into, because it mimics blood magic, and that he was going to look more into this Reaver stuff when they got back to Kirkwall.

Bethany stayed far away from Thera now, almost like if Thera herself was the Blight. She couldn't blame her sister, but she still couldn't fight back the feelings of anger and betrayal; Thera hated how Bethany always played the scared maid and she always had to be the monster itself or the gallant knight. She was tired of playing these roles; she was tired of being them no matter what she did.

"I'm glad you're okay kitten." Isabela said walking up behind Thera. "I heard after the bastard sent me flying in the air, your practically tore its heart out with your bare hands."

"I see you and Varric are talking again." Thera said laughing. "What on all of Thedas were you two fighting about anyhow?"

"We were fighting about whether or not a bet that Anders would want to play the blood mage or the helpless apprentice in bed with you, is fair because I have personal knowledge of his sex life." Isabela said casually. "Thus the fight started. After everything that happened yesterday, we agreed not to let petty bets come between us...Thera, are you alright?" Isabela smiled wickedly when she noticed one of Thera's eyes twitching and all the color in her face had drained.

"You...you two were fighting over that?" Thera asked, the anger slipping into her voice as she spoke.

"I know stupid, right?"

"What are you two talking about? Thera looks like she is about to murder one of our brontoes." Anders asked, butting into the conversation.

"Oh, about what me and Varric were fighting about."

"This, I got to hear."

Thera started rubbing her temples harder, as Isabela repeated what she and Varric were fighting over. Color faded from Anders, save for the massive blush on his cheeks.

"Wha...WHAT?" Anders cried. "That isn't any of your business! What makes you think we are going to be doing anything, anyhow?"

Isabela started laughing. "Because I want to write a friend fiction about you two!"

Thera shook her head. "I don't know what that is, but please don't."

oOo

The rest of the walking went nicely for once, no Darkspawn were lying in wait, no one was fighting and Bartrand was relatively quiet. It was a nice break. Thera watched as Anders put up his tent, how he looked at everyone nearby him like they might try and kick it down or worse, take it from him. She chalked it up to lack of sleep was making him and Justice paranoid; ever since they got into the Deep Roads, Anders' nightmares of Darkspawn became more frequent the deeper in they went. However, even when they ate he was looking about nervously.

"Anders is everything alright?" Thera asked coming up behind the mage. Anders jumped a bit.

"I'm fine why do you ask?"

Thera could tell he was forcing a smile.

"Don't lie, Anders, you have been acting more and more paranoid the deeper we go, what's wrong? Is it the nightmares?"

"Hey, guys!" Isabela cut them both off. "We found an underground waterfall! We can bathe!" She said, jumping up and down with excitement. "Come on Thera, me and the other girls are going first, Varric promised to make sure all the guys keep their eyes in other places."

"Not right now, go ahead."

Isabela looked at Thera, then over at Anders, before giggling to herself and leaving.

"Now about what we were talking about…" Thera continued, but when went to face Anders he was nowhere to be seen. "Anders?"

Thera looked around but she couldn't see where he wandered off to. She pulled back the front of his tent and there he was gathering some elfroot from a pack of his.

"As I was saying…" She said a little annoyed, that he walked away from her.

"Can we talk about it later Thera? I need to check on the men." Anders said quickly, grabbing a few more elfroot and trying to scramble past her.

"An…"

"Thanks, Thera, I knew you would understand!" Anders said, as he made haste away from her.

"I don't understand…that's the problem you idiot." She said under her breath.

Thera plopped down next to Fenris who was polishing his axe.

"So tell how fares the mighty dragon slayer?" Fenris asked with that half smile he had when he was saying something in jest.

"I don't know if you should be calling me that, I don't even remember the last half of the battle, some dragon slayer I am," Thera chuckled.

"Well better to forget most the battle and survive than remember it all and die." Fenris reasoned.

"So why aren't you out taking a bath?" Thera asked

"The other women are still cleaning." Fenris put his axe down and picked up a well crafted bolt from his side. He twirled it around his fingers. "I wandered too close on accident and Varric was kind enough to let me know. Why are you not with them?"

Thera sighed and hung her head, a hand reaching up undoing the leather tie that held her hair back. "I wanted to ask Anders how he was doing. Outside of the increase of nightmares, he has been acting more paranoid, and there isn't even any Templars around."

"He has been acting off the last few days I admit. He and the spirit could have bad memories down here from their time with the Wardens."

"I thought the same thing; I thought he would want to talk about it."

Fenris rested a hand on her shoulder. "Thera, you can't help people who don't want to be helped."

"What makes you think he doesn't?"

"He walked away from you." Fenris said looking over at Anders who was now casting glares in the direction of the elf.

Why are you glaring at him? You are the one who walked away from her.

Because she can't be trusted to be alone with him, he is a wild dog.

Are you still going on about this?

He thinks we should be caged? Yet he suffered from slavery, but he wishes the same on others? He would cage Thera.

Thera isn't a mage, Anders.

There is more than one way to cage a person.

Anders watched as Fenris and Thera laughed and passed jokes back and forth, he could feel his blood catching fire in his veins. How could she stand someone like him, so narrow minded. Someone who was so against what they stood for?

He watched her from a far; in truth something he rather do, he never once felt worthy to be in her presence, but he loved the sight of her. He loved how she treated each one of them with such care and love. They were all like her family and she made it known. There was a sudden stabbing pain in his chest; Anders almost lost his breath to it. He tried to ignore the pain; he knew he could never have her. He couldn't be the fairytale prince she deserved. He didn't want to rip his silk doll, so it was best to put her up on a shelf and look from afar; even if it was killing him on the inside.

I never thought I would fall in love so fast. Maker, I never thought I would fall in love again after Elise.

Anders could feel Justice wanted to say something but didn't know how, so there were only waves of various emotions, which were tinged with confusion.

Eventually the girls game back; Bethany ran right into her and Thera's tent. Isabela and Merrill joined Fenris and Thera by a fire, Varric soon followed. Anders watched them for a bit more before deciding he was going to go wash; he didn't want to miss the opportunity to actually clean.

Thera watched Anders pass by with clothes in hand. He avoided eye contact, afraid she would lunge at him for bailing on her earlier. Thera waited until he was out of sight before standing. "Well I think I am going to go bathe now."

Fenris was going to protest, as he knew that was exactly what Anders went to do; but he quickly found Isabela's elbow in his ribs. "Okay Kitten you go get all cleaned up."

Thera shook her head at the pirate. That woman must always have sex on her mind.

As approached the water just as Anders was getting close to wading distance in the water. She felt the blood in her cheeks heat up. She caught just a glimpse of Anders' two moons. She stayed out of sight and watched him for a moment. She could count every rib in his body. She noted how pale his skin was; the man really spent too much time indoors writing his manifesto.

Maker, why can't that man love me?

Thera quietly slipped out of her clothing and slid into the water. She had to bit the urge to shriek when she entered, as it nipped at her from being so cold. "So are you going to tell me what is bothering you? We are alone now, so it isn't like someone can hear and poke fun."

Anders about came right out of the water and out of his skin. He turned and saw Thera walking in the water to him. Her chest wasn't covered in water yet, so her arms and long hair were covering them.

"Thera! What are you doing?" Anders felt like he was gasping for air.

"Bathing and trying to get information out of you." She said casually.

Anders had to force his gaze away from her; it was much harder then he wanted to admit, to not look at her. "We're both naked!"

"Ander, outside of some small dimly glowing lyrium veins and some fungus, we can't see a bloody thing. You can look now, the water is covering everything."

Anders slowly turned his head back to her, and made sure his eyes met hers right away.

"Now tell me, what is bothering you so." She asked, her eyes wide with worry.

That look and the tone of her voice, Anders hated how weak he was against it. He let out a sigh of defeat.

"It's just being down here reminds me so much of solitary. I feel like the ceiling is closing in, that it's getting harder to breathe." He paused for a moment, unsure if he wanted to complete his thought; he didn't want her mocking him. "It's too dark down here…like it was in confinement…" He finally said, deciding to continue against his better judgment.

Thera didn't strike him as the kind of person to laugh at others for their fears, but still he braced himself for it; to hear her start laughing that he, a grown, man is terrified of the dark. He kept his eyes closed and waited. The laughing or scoffing didn't come; he did however feel a wet hand pressing to his cheek. He opened his eyes to see Thera inches from him, and her eyes so full of love and care; he felt weak.

"You know I can sleep in your tent with you. It's not like Bethany is super happy to have me around." She smiled when Anders gave her a sheepish look, and started fumbling over words trying to speak. "Don't worry, I won't try anything." Thera said grinning wickedly.

"My lady, I think that is a crime against the willing." Anders shot back, breaking through his uneasiness.

Thera moved her arms around his waist and pulled herself up against him. "Is that so?" She rested her head against his chest. Anders entire body heated up. The feeling of her soft skin against him was overwhelming his ability to think. He knew he should push her away, but he wanted this so much.

"Yes, but please do not take advantage of my delicate will." He whispered into her ear.

"I would never," she whispered back. "I wish I could make it so that it never happened, you know. That you never endured such pain."

"Thank you. It brings me much comfort to hear that."

"You know…" Thera started. "You know when I was going through my training as a Templar, they had introduced me to lyrium. I remember when I first had it; the effects of it were so intense, I passed out. They had me drinking it so many times a day, I lost count….Then they stopped…I started going through withdrawals. It was one of the scariest things in my life, after a certain point though I can't remember what happened. I came too in the infirmary. A mother found me naked and screaming in the training grounds. I didn't even know how much time had passed."

Anders tightened his grip on her, and he felt Justice jolt deep within him.

How could they do this to her? Did they hurt her? FIND OUT IF THEY HURT HER!

"Thera…what happened?" Anders asked in a shaky voice; it was taking everything out of him to control the now raging Justice.

"I don't know. I wasn't hurt. All I know is that the Revered Mother saw me leave in the night and didn't bother to stop me. She said I was ranting and raving about all sorts of things. It happened a few more times, before they started giving me lyrium regularly again. Almost all recruits go through this. It's their way of letting you know they own you. That you can't live without what they have." Thera said, there was bitterness to her words.

We will kill every last one of these people!

If there was a way for me too…I…I can't even think right now.

"I had…I had no idea Thera, I am so sorry." Anders said running a wet hand through her hair.

"Don't worry. I am still here, right?" She said, looking up into his beautiful amber eyes. "You know your eyes make me think of autumn, my favorite season."

Thera gently left the embrace. "Well, I should get going back, and let you wash up. Not to mention I can only imagine the stories Isabela and Varric are weaving right now." She said before dunking her head under the water, and quickly coming back up. "I will get my things and move into your tent, alright? Good night, Anders."

Anders watched as she moved out of the water, the lowering water line showing more of her curves. Finally the line had gotten low enough that Anders could see what has been bit of an ongoing joke with him and Justice.

Maker! Would you look at that. Truly I don't think the moon has ever looked so wonderful.

Moon? What moon? You are looking at Thera's backside again, and it looks nothing like a moon.

I thought you don't look…

How can I not look! I share your eyes, fool! Now, advert your eyes, the thoughts you are thinking now, are not something I wish to think about.

Justice…

Anders.

I don't know how long I can keep this up, pretending I can resist her, that I only see a friend in her. Justice, this ship is sinking and I don't care anymore.

I think I know what you mean…but I am afraid we will drown in that ocean.