What is Justice? chp.32

Chapter 32: Masquerade

Anders ran his hands over the robes; he didn't own a looking glass so he could only assume he looked good. Leandra did wonders tailoring the clothes to fit, considering she never measured him. He could only guess this came with being a mother. Outside of his already vain attempts to convince Justice and himself why he shouldn't go to this masquerade; there was one he didn't mention, because he was hoping that he and Justice could override it; but it was proving difficult.

Justice…can you feel it too?

I do. The Veil seems so thin… I am finding it hard to stay in the back of you…

Maybe we shouldn't go after all.

No. We told Thera we would be there, and there we shall.

Anders groaned and sat on his bed. Maker, he hated how determined Justice could be. Always on this day the veil was thinner around all of Thedas. This was the day where it seemed mages fell to demons like flies were attracted to dung. So far he and Justice had been able to deal with it. Granted the first time it happened with his friend in him, it was a nightmare for them both. However they overcame it, but today…it was like the first time all over again. Anders was sweating it, and it was taking everything out of him and Justice to not switch control.

"Maker, Justice, I hope we have better control at the party…" Anders whispered to the empty room.

Everyone stayed close to one another in the ballroom looking out at nobles who were trying to outdo one another. Fenris and Isabela had shown up together. Isabela's dress was a mix of blues and cream scents. It cascaded over her curves like waves in an ocean. It was layered with silk and lace scarf's giving the dress a Rivian feel. The sleeves even looked like thin silk scarfs barley hanging on to cover her shoulders. Her mask was littered with sapphires and diamonds; Fenris had earlier said it made him think she was some sort of river spirit. Her hair was adorned with golden metal woven it holding hair in place. Fenris himself looked dashing. His clothes hung tight like most elven attire, and his black tunic was lined with golden leaves along the bottom edges. His gloves stopped just above his elbow, and the white undershirt puffed out a bit. His boots were thigh high and sole less like almost all elven shoes. His mask was shaped to look like a wolf; something all the girls agreed fitted him.

"You look lovely darling." Isabela teased.

"And you look like a lady." Fenris shot back without missing a beat.

Varric arrived with Merrill and Aveline on his arms. They were teasing that Isabela was mostly clothed and that Aveline was in a dress. Merrill's dress was a dark teal, with little silver leaves lining around her waist. It was simple and hung on her curves like a hug. The top was modeled after a basic vest that came up and had a collar around the neck. Her gloves were long like Fenris's and finger less. Her mask was covered in silver plated leaves, and her hair had little white flowers dotting it. Aveline was in a basic Ferelden dress it was a dark purple dress with a golden under skirt and corset. Her hair was back in a basic braid and her mask was simple, nothing to flashy; but for Aveline it was the most exquisite everyone was sure they were ever see her in. Varric got to show off some of the best dwarven finery ever seen on the surface. The deep earth colors, colored his tunic, and he wore possibly the best black leather boots ever seen. His long coat was lined with dwarven style runes. His mask a mockery of noble status tattoos. Granted he didn't expect anyone to get that, it still was a small pleasure he could enjoy.

Sebastian had also decided to arrive. He had made it a point after he found out about Anders, to stick around to make sure that, Anders, didn't hurt anyone; but if you asked Anders, Sebastian seemed more concerned with Thera.

"Creators! Don't we all look nice?" Merrill said, cheerfully spinning in her dress.

"Daisy, we are the best looking here!" Varric agreed.

Isabela laughed and walked into Anders' personal space, a finger playfully running across some of the emboss on his mask. "Well Andraste's holy undies! Don't you look good enough to eat!"

Anders turned his gaze to the floor. He could feel his collar starting to moisten from his sweat. His nerves about impressing Thera weren't making things any easier on him.

"I am glad you are here Anders, and I have to agree with the Whore, you look stunning… did you shave?" Aveline said.

"Yeah… I thought I should for this," Anders said quietly.

"Oh, Anders, will you dance with me tonight?" Merrill said, still moving around so she could see her dress twirl.

"Oh, course I will." Anders said with a small bow.

"I can't say I am happy to see you, but you are more welcome than the man coming towards us," Fenris said to Anders. The mage was going to ask, but he saw Sebastian coming towards them.

"Anders! What are you doing here? I don't think it is safe for you…" Sebastian started to say.

"Hawke invited him Choir Boy; he has every right to be here," Varric said, quickly cutting the man off.

"Speaking of Hawke, where is she? I was worried she had shown up with you, Anders, but clearly my worry is unfounded." Sebastian questioned.

Anders' cheeks heated up. He hated this man more than Fenris, and he didn't think that was possible.

Who in the Void does he think he is?

I don't like him. He was going to stop us from saving Thera… keep him away from our doll.

"I don't know but I hope she hurries, me and Merrill didn't see her dress… or tunic… Maker, I hope she is in a dress," Isabela said. "Wait, why are you worried about her and Anders? Don't tell me you are sweet on her! She is taken… Well, if he doesn't take her booty, sure as the Void I will," Isabela said with a side glance and smile at Anders.

"Sweet? Oh no, I just admire her dedication to good. She serves the Maker well," Sebastian said while blushing; he was not expecting such a raw comment from Isabela.

"She doesn't serve the Maker," Anders spat. His words sharp like sewing needles.

"Why am I not surprised by that reaction?" Sebastian retaliated. "Just because you have lost sight of him doesn't mean she has. You cannot fully dirty something as good as her."

"Dirty? Why you…" Anders gritted his teeth; his eyes flashed blue.

Dirty her? I will not be spoken to in such a manner! I have no intentions of dirtying her. Justice roared in Anders' head to the point the mage almost didn't hear the music.

"Anders!" Merrill squeaked and stepped in between him and Sebastian breaking their eye contact. "Please, you and Justice must keep your calm. I know this must be hard…"

Merrill was cut short by the orchestra stopping and the herald starting to speak.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you the hostess of this evening. Lady Thera Temperance Hawke." The herald called out into the room.

As soon as Thera came into sight everyone felt their jaws drop and Anders felt his heart stop.

There she was; his silk doll wrapped in silks of the grandest kind, in colors of soft greens and gold. The top was a beautifully fashioned heart shaped corset. It was apparently the height of fashion when it came to dresses now. It showcased her bosom nicely, which sparked a slight feeling of possessiveness and jealousy in Anders. Her hair was up in curls, with pearls embedded. Her mask was a white color with dove feathers coming from the sides. He marveled how the make-up made her lips look like rubies and those green eyes took his breath away. She moved a bit awkwardly into the ballroom, nodding and waving at some of the nobles.

Anders couldn't breathe; it was like someone had their hand over his throat. He broke into a sweat, and his body felt like it might collapse. Never in all these years of knowing Thera, did he ever expect to see her look so feminine. All his emotions of lust, love, need, want, and admiration swelled up at once, causing Justice much discomfort; with the veil so thin Anders' emotions were having an even bigger impact on him. Anders shifted around, trying to breathe, remain calm, and keep Justice at bay.

But the spirit was restless and flailing around in his mind, trying to not be consumed by Anders' emotions. Justice was trying to keep his own secret wants that was even hidden from himself in check. Justice never felt so helpless, save for when Anders had Darkspawn nightmares.

"Maker…" Anders choked in a small voice.

"She is actually in a dress!" Varric said with amazement.

"Oh, she looks like a doll." Merrill chimed.

When Thera made it over to her friends, she was greeted with hugs and complimenting her. Her eyes finally fell onto Anders. The way his dress robe hung on him was like a dream. It was just tight enough to show his lean frame. The ivory mask was embossed with golden embroidery that looked so vary ornate. It really brought out his Anderfels nose. His hair was nicely brushed and all pulled back into a small ponytail. He looked just like a prince, or some masked phantom, that haunted her dreams. His knee high boots looked stunning. The wine color form the robe and the black pants and boots showed how much of a pale beauty he was, like he was made of porcelain. Truly, she never expected this from Anders. She placed a hand over her heart like she feared it might leap out of her. His clean cut look took her by surprise; she almost didn't recognize her rebel mage. "Anders…"

When she said his name breathlessly, it made him almost collapse with desire.

"Anders. You look…Maker, you look handsome!" she said, smiling up at him.

"And you…" Anders started, a half smile appearing on his face. "I hope you don't think you can use your beauty to get away with the crime you just committed."

"What?" Thera asked, her eyes widening.

Anders leaned in closer, perhaps dangerously close considering the war going on with his emotions and Justice. "You stole my breath away, and I would like it back."

He spoke in a lower voice that sent shivers down Thera's back. "If you want it, then you will have to get it back from me," Thera teased.

"Please, tell me this is going into the book." Isabela whispered to Varric.

"I would be mad not to." Varric whispered back.

Sebastian looked like he was about to ask Thera to dance, so he could express to her his dislike for Anders being here, but Isabela, being her clumsy self, stretched her foot out too far and tripped him.

Anders bowed and offered his sweat covered hand to Thera. "My lady, may I have this dance?"

Thera grabbed it and curtsied, "Of course, my lord."

Anders almost fell when she uttered those words. "Please don't call me that, I am no lord," he said, leading her to the dance floor.

"Well tonight, you are! But come tomorrow, you go back to being a rebel who lives in Darktown," Thera giggled.

"Reading too many children stories are we?"

"Maybe…"

Anders and Thera danced in sync with the other dancers in a simple dance, that really was them just going in a circle, if you asked Thera. She marveled at Anders' attire, thinking how nicely it complemented his lean frame. She also noted all the girls and some of the men looking at him like they were hungry wolves. While they danced, she pretended she was a princess and he her prince and they were in some far off land. Why she still had such fantasies about Anders was beyond her, but these were far more innocent then the ones she has at night when sleep came.

Thera finally noticed Anders' gaze was not wavering from her, and his eyes looked entranced. "Is everything alright, Anders?"

"There are all these other people, but I feel like it is just you and me…Maker, I can't take my eyes off of you," he whispered to her.

Thera blushed, and moved closer to him. She almost right against him; she could hear whispers starting to arise; about whether or not they were a couple, if she was actually taken.

Anders' breathing became shaky at best; his eyes wandered from her beautiful eyes down to her breasts. His mind undressing her, taking in the sight of something that made his heart ache.

Maker, they are beautiful…

You better mean her eyes.

Anders almost made an audible cry when his mind drifted back to reality long enough to realize Thera was looking up at him.

"Is everything alright?" she asked so sweetly.

"Considering Justice can barely keep himself in check? I am doing fine," he said forcing a smile.

"Where did you learn to dance? I spent all of this month with my mother learning how," Thera sighed.

"Elise taught me how. There were a few parties held at the Keep in her honor, as well the rest of us." Anders said. His mind reeled with memories of how many times he had stepped on her toes learning how, and laughing at Nathaniel when he taught Justice how; he recalled the spirit getting cranky at the fact that he didn't understand the importance of it.

"She really did do a lot for you and Justice," Thera said, a little heartbroken. Maker, how can I compete with the Hero of Ferelden?

"Yes, she has. So have you. I don't know if she would be able to look at me and Justice the same. Maker, or even look at us…and you…" he stopped.

"I what?"

"Always look at us so lovingly," he whispered.

I want to dance with her.

You can't Justice.

Find a way. I want to dance with her.

Justice…

Anders almost doubled over when he felt Justice give him a slight push. Anders broke back into a sweat. Tonight, even the slightest of fights with Justice felt like he was taking on an entire army of Templars.

"Anders?" Thera asked holding him up, concern riddled her voice. "Is he alright?"

"He is being…a bit cantankerous." Anders paused to take in a few more deep breaths. "He wants to dance with you…he isn't happy I told him no."

Thera looked at Anders before saying anything; it pained her to see him like this. She didn't want to imagine what this was doing to Justice.

"Well, would it be easier for both of you, if he was out?" She asked.

Anders nodded; his shaking getting worse.

"Okay then, come with me." Thera said, starting to lead Anders to a back door that lead to the outside courtyard.

Anders placed most his weight on Thera as they moved, thank the Maker she was as strong as she was. Anders tried to mutter he was sorry, but talking was becoming difficult for him, and Thera was shushing him anyway.

Thera heard her name being called from behind her and saw Sebastian coming towards her and Anders.

"Keep him away!" Anders hissed.

Thera couldn't tell if that demand was coming from Anders or Justice, or even both.

"Thera, where are you going with him?" the prince asked, looking Anders over. "I don't think going anywhere alone with him is a good idea. Look at him; he can barely keep the demon at bay."

Thera's eyes widened. Was Anders so unlucky that people always called Justice that at the worst of times?

What did he say? Justice growled in Anders head.

Now is not the time, Justice, for one of your outbreaks!

"He is not a demon…" Anders managed to say through his teeth.

"Call him what you want, Anders, but as a man of the cloth I know better than to trust anything from the Fade. Please, Thera, reconsider. He claims to be a spirit of justice, but how can we be sure… for all we know he is waiting for the right time to implant one of his ilk in you, or worse… Thera, you are a trusting woman, he… he might give in to one of the more primal desires of a man."

Thera felt her jaw drop; she couldn't believe what was coming out of this man's mouth.

Anders doubled over and bit his tongue to hold back a scream. His eyes watered in pain. Justice riddled his body with rage, the spirit tossed him about like a violent storm.

How dare he? How dare he claim I would… defile something so beautiful! Let me have him. Let me rip that still beating heart from him!

Be my guest. Bastard has it coming now. To think that we would do such things…

Anders' eyes flashed blue, he lunged at Sebastian but Thera grabbed him.

"Justice, please…not here. If anyone sees…please, I don't want to lose you or Anders," she whispered to him. "I know you are hurt, mad, but please…just this once, let it go. I know the truth."

Thera's pleas made Justice recoil back inside for the moment.

I will not ruin this night for her, because of his ignorance.

You mean all it took for you to learn restraint was a dolled up Thera?

Do not make light of this!

Sorry, Justice.

Thera's gaze moved back to a startled Sebastian. Her eyes narrowed, "I will do what I damn well please. I trust Anders, and as foolhardy as you think it is, I trust Justice. Now I want to dance with him. If any Templars magically appear, trust me, it isn't the spirit you'll need to be worried about. I will show a side of me that made my sister hate even in her dying."

Anders and Thera turned to leave, leaving a very shocked and scared Sebastian behind them.

The courtyard was dimly lit with paper lanterns and carved pumpkins with candles burning in them. The moon shined brightly in the starlit night. Thera stopped when the music was faint, but strong enough to still hear. Moon lilies littered the ground in clusters.

"This looks like a good spot. Okay, Justice, you can come out now," she whispered.

In a split second, Anders eyes were glowing blue again and his skin cracked slightly with the Fade pouring out of him in a shade of blue light, a color Thera had come to associate with Justice. There was a small glow coming from under the robes, and she could see the cracks of the Fade crawling along Anders neck. It was rather eerie and entrancing to her at the same time. The spirit scowled, still upset about what was said.

"There, there. I know what he said must have hurt, but I know the truth and so does everyone else. Even Fenris, though he won't admit it," she said smiling, trying to calm Justice just a bit.

His expression softened a bit, "To say I would…"

Thera put her finger to his lips, "Shh, let's not ruin this."

The spirit nodded. He placed Thera's arms around his neck and placed his around her waist. He pulled her close to him. He loved her warmth, though he would never let Anders know that. They swayed back and forth moving in a small circle.

"What kind of dance is this?" Thera asked, resting her head against his chest.

"I do not know… I saw Elise dancing with her husband like this. I know the others around said it was…what was it? Oh, scandalous," Justice said in a low voice into Thera's ear.

"Well, I like it," She said, smiling, "You two look so handsome tonight. I know Anders doesn't have a lot of money, so might I ask where this all came from?"

"Your mother. She said it was your father's dress robe," Justice answered. "She made some changes so it would fit Anders' frame."

Great, just tell her I took a hand out from her mother because I didn't want to spend her money.

This was a gift! And one of great personal value!

I know that! But you make it sound different…

Thera felt her eyes water instantly. Her hands gripped the back of the robe. "This… was my father's?"

Justice didn't say anything, unsure if this pleased her or offended her.

"I wonder if my mother found him as attractive in it as I find you," Thera whispered through tears.

"I think she did, yes."

"I am so… so… " she stuttered.

"Happy?" Justice tried to help her find words that he barely understood.

"Yes. Happy." Thera ran a hand over the now smooth cheeks. "Anders shaved," she noted.

"Yes. He didn't want to, as he put it, look scruffy."

Thera giggled, and Justice thought for a brief moment that Anders' heart had jumped into his throat.

"I like the scruffy look."

"I know you do."

Silence again. Justice didn't mind, just being able to have this moment however fleeting it might be, was more than he had ever hoped for with her. He knew these were the desires of a mortal man, not a seeker of justice, but how this woman made him feel mortal he would never know, or admit how much it scared him. It was nice that he, too, got a chance to play with his and Anders' silk doll.

Her hand still rested on his exposed cheek; he breathed in her sweet perfume, and moved his face into the palm of her hand. There was this ache he couldn't explain. An ache that demanded something be filled. Then he remembered; he remembered this filling with Kristoff and his wife. It would normally follow him expressing his feeling with a physical display, one he only shared with her. Something special, yes, like a reward for her being so dedicated to him, and loving him, even when he would be gone most the time. A wife; Aura was his wife, and he loved her. Justice wanted that, he wanted what they had; but he had buried that desire deep, was this what he wanted with Thera? A wife; someone who would love him and even though he couldn't always be there for her, she was always there for him? Was this the feeling he was denying this whole time?

"Thera…" Justice whispered into her hand, his eyes closing, his mind picturing what he was about to ask.

"Yes, Justice?"

"May… May I give you a gesture of my gratitude for giving me this one dance?" He asked it slowly, unsure of himself, unsure if this was the worst idea he has ever had, or one of the best.

"Of course," Thera looked up at him.

The spirit moved one of his hands to her and cupped her face. Slowly he leaned down, inching ever closer to her face. Thera's lips were already parting and quivering with anticipation. Justice forgot where he was, how to breathe in Anders body, what he was. So close he could feel the warm breath coming out of her mouth. His mouth watering for her; this was it, what he had secretly wanted to do and never realized it.

"DEMONS!" someone screamed.

"Andraste's flaming knickers weasels!" Justice cried when Thera turned to where the scream was. This 'Maker' the mortals believed in, if he did exist, he had a sick sense of humor.

More screams and people ran out of the ballroom

"What in the void is going on?" Thera said breathlessly. "Come on!"

Justice let Anders take control again, and thankfully Anders was settled before they reached their destination.

The screams slowly turned into laughter. Thera slowed down and looked around with a puzzled look. Finally she saw the "demon" that was terrorizing everyone. It was someone dressed up in a costume that decided to prank the nobles.

"I could kill him," Anders grunted.

"You and me both," Thera agreed.

"Oh Anders! There you are," Merrill said, running over. "Do you think I can collect on that dance now?"

Anders looked over at Thera.

"Go on, have fun Anders." Thera smiled.

"That also gives me a chance to dance with her," Fenris said, appearing and taking a small bow before Thera.

"Alright then," Anders took Merrill's hand and led her out to the floor, with Thera and Fenris close behind.

Anders grumbled to Justice the whole time that Fenris was standing to close to her. He wanted to ask if Justice had planned on kissing Thera, but knew he wouldn't get an answer from the spirit.